Jokes

A variety of different jokes to establish a humor or entertainment website.

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JokeIDJokeCategoryJokeNameJoke
NULLAnimal JokesVampire BatA vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.OK, follow me he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. Now, do you see that tree over there? he asked. Yes, Yes, Yes! the bats all screamed in a frenzy. Good said the bat, Because I sure as hell didn't!
NULLAnimal JokesDog named SexEverybody I know who has a dog usually calls him Rover or Spot. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, I would like to have one too! Then I said, But she is a dog! He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old. He replied, You must have been quite a strong boy. When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding.He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex. He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on. When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night. The clerk said, Me too! One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. You don't understand, I said, I hoped to have Sex on TV. He called me a show off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married. The Judge said, Me too! Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, I'm looking for Sex. -- My case comes up next Thursday. Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, What seems to be the trouble? I replied, Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely. and the doctor said, Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog.
NULLAnimal JokesAnt and Elephant have romanceAn ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. Shit! says the ant. One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!
NULLAnimal JokesDifference between a cat and a dog...A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
NULLAnimal Jokesrabbits chased by wolfTwo rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?
NULLAnimal JokeshorseThis horse walks in to a bar and asks for a bit to eat!
NULLAnimal Jokesbear and a rabbitA bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says I will grant each of you three wishes.The bear says I wish all the bears in the forest were females. *poof* It's done.The rabbit says I wish for a motorcycle. *poof* It's done.The bear says I wish all the bears in this country were females. *poof* It's done.The rabbit says I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house. *poof* It's done.The bear is thinking to himself why is the rabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things? oh well. And for my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female. *poof* It's done.The rabbit says For MY last wish, I want the bear to be gay. And he rides off on his motorcycle.
NULLAnimal JokesDo Elephants Ever Forget?Q: Does an elephant ever forget?A: Only if you loan him money.
NULLAnimal JokesElephants and Cell-PhonesQ: Why don't elephants use cellular phones?A: So the rest of the world won't know their plans.
NULLAnimal JokesI'll have a Penguin; shaken, not stirredQ: Why do penguins live in the Arctic?A: Because they can't fly to Florida like the rest of the old birds.